this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
