its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
His nipple licking is glorious
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