2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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