Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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