I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
