i barfeds in our rink
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
