i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
