Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
