Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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