You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
