While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize