Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
