Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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