I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
