we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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