I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
