You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
