I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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