i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
