he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
