that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
