Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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