All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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