In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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