i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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