my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
