whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
