Whod you bang
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
