i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
