i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
