the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
