He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
