im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
