well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
