it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
