hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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