i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
