I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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