the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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