My girlfriend figured out who you are.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
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I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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