the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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