Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
