Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
