Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
