"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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