Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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