that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
