cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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