my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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