Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
