Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
