Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
