Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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