Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
