Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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