Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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