I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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