I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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