I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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