Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
