My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
