Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
