You're so nebulous sometimes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
