She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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