Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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