giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's get the cat blown out
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
