were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
