Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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