Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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