i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
