I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
