Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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