Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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