Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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