reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
